Who is John Patrick ?

When I first put a homepage on the web, my description of myself went something like this... 

I can juggle water molecules.  I collect interesting root vegetables and paint them yellow.  I am a member of the West Saint Louis Peculiar Gentlefolk and Hang-gliding Club.  My middle name is Twiggy.  I have feelers instead of eyes and smell of copper sulfate.  I am a medium-sized non-profit organization based in Dallas.  When I yawn, all the traffic lights in Peoria turn red.  On my last holiday, I simultaneously went everywhere in the universe.  My hair is made of stainless steel and excretes milk when stroked.  Small children use me as a yo-yo on Thursdays.  I know 73 languages, but not all at the same time.  And my favorite curse word is buggery.

Obviously that's just stupid — my favorite word is smeghead. 

To find out more about me, read on.  If you don't have the attention span to read all the way to the end, the conclusion is that I'm a small town in The Netherlands.  Hooray!

So who am I really?  How would I know??? 

If you want to praise me on the quite simply staggering design and content of these pages, why not email me.  I also send out postcards to anyone who asks for one, as long as they live outside the US or Canada.  So far I have sent out a grand total of...  let me see, now...  well, none.

Anyway, why don't you have a peek at some of the other fine pages I've gone to enormous time and effort to provide?  Why not start with my travelogue or my loves and hates page?  If you would like to read the diary of a total stranger — not me — click a diary.  If you want to see what I look like, visit this page, or you can just email me at john-at-this-domain and we can chat about the weather.  If you feel the need to send me poetry about 16th century parachuting then please do so.  Enjoy.